Mommy's Tears

My heart broke this morning.

As I walked into the front office of Kole's orphanage I saw a father sitting on the couch holding a beautiful baby boy. One look at his almond shaped eyes and adorable stubby fingers and I knew right away that the baby had down syndrome.  He looked to be about a couple months old.  He was cooing and looking at his daddy's face smiling while his daddy stroked his arm. The mother was sitting beside them, tears pouring down her face.

My facilitator said it was a sad moment because they were leaving their baby at the orphanage.

Beside the couch were bags full of baby blankets, toys and diapers.

I wonder if there was a day that that young couple was overjoyed to have a son.  I bet they excitedly got a little room all ready for his arrival placing those fuzzy blankets and colorful toys in his crib. 

When did that joy turn to sadness.  Did they know right away that their long awaited son had down syndrome. Did they look at their son and think that maybe it would be ok. Maybe they could parent a child like this.

Just look at him. Look at his sweet face. Listen to his laugh. How can this be a bad thing?

Maybe he has a heart condition they can in no way afford to have fixed. Maybe a family member is telling them that this kind of child is no good. That children with down syndrome are violent and have no chance of having any kind of future here in Ukraine.

Whatever the reason, one thing I know for sure. That mommy and daddy WANTED and LOVED their baby boy. It was ripping the mothers heart out to place her baby in a strangers arms to now care for in this institutional setting.

What can we do to change this mentality? It wasn't long ago that children with down syndrome were institutionalized in America. And even now we put to death 90% of children that are diagnosed with down syndrome while still in the womb.

I wanted so badly to tell this mom that down syndrome is not the end, it can be the beginning! These children are wonderful and beautiful. They can have a great future.

I pray that precious baby boy will know love. I pray that years will not go by living in the orphanage causing him to bang his head just so he can feel. That he will not form the habit of gouging his eyes or rocking strongly back and forth, back and forth. I pray that he will soon have a family that will help him to grow into all that he is meant to be.

I pray for his birth mother and father, that God will heal their broken hearts. 

After 15 months, my Kole is finally back in my arms

Last night at 8pm we boarded a train (I was in shock about it the entire time, will blog about that later) and headed to Zap. We arrived at almost 6am. It was pouring rain and cold out. We ran to our car and drove to our apartment (which I was also in shock over and will blog about later) where we unpacked and showered and enjoyed a cup of coffee.
At 9am we left to do some running around getting papers signed, and then finally off to the orphanage.

Driving in to the orphanage felt very surreal. I looked at the Ukrainian flag that Levi loved to come out to to sit under and watch it blow in the wind. Memories flooded my mind as we walked past the colorful bench that we sat at for hours holding our very frail, crying, terrified little Gabe.

After meeting the director we met with the orphanage doctor. There she told us all the history they have on Kole. He was born at 36 weeks via C-Section.  He was 4 pounds 6.5 ounces at birth and they said they could tell right away he had Ds.
His records say he has an extra "string" in his heart, bowed legs, flat feet, and of course Down Syndrome.
They report Kole to be able to repeat a few syllables, but say he doesn't talk much. He can follow directions, like if you ask him to stack the blocks. He feeds and dresses himself and they said he loves music and loves to dance!

The social worker and doctor both expressed how thankful they are that he is finally getting adopted as no one has ever inquired about him his entire life.

My facilitator cannot understand why it seemed that in the past Kole had been unavailable for adoption since his records clearly state that his parents signed over their rights and had him placed in an orpahange right after his birth.

She said to me, "The only explanation is that God saved him for you" 

Yes, yes He did.


 

 Oh how I longed for this day


First time meeting Daddy. I think he was a little unsure, maybe because they don't see men very often, or maybe he's not a Vikings fan;) 


They took him away right at lunch time to meet us. He was very ready to get back to his meal!


 Another lefty like Levi and Papa


The Nannies LOVED looking at the album I brought of Levi filled with photo's of him this past year. The Nanny here said she recognized us from last year. They all looked, laughed, and smiled, remarking that Levi looked totally different.


Right after lunch the kids each take their chair and line it up at the back of the room



Kole seemed to be a stickler for the routine so he was anxious to get his chair in place and get undressed to go potty






It was time for the kids to all take their naps so we had to leave. We will be allowed to visit Kole everyday from 9am - 11:30 & 4pm - 6:30. 
We will visit until we have court which should be in about 2 weeks. After court, we will get Kole out and he will stay with us while we wait for his passports. Once the passport is in (2-5 days), we will take the train back to Kiev where we will finish up paperwork for 2 days, then head home!! I am thinking if all goes well, we will be home by the end of the week of September 17.

I am in awe that God has allowed me to be this child's mother. This whole adoption so far has been amazing. I can't wait to get back to him tomorrow!!!

"And my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has looked on the humble estate of his servant. For behold, from now on all generations will call me blessed; for he who is mighty has done great things for me, and holy is his name" - Luke 1:47-49

We are well on our way

We had our first appointment today to find out if Kole is available and get his background information. All went very well!  He is definitely available for adoption and is still at the baby house.

We will get the referal tomorrow and then board a train to his region where we will arrive at 5am. We plan to freshen up at our apartment and then head to the orphanage to see our boy!!!

I think I finally relaxed for the first time in months!  I cannot wait to see my little man again.

Here he is at about a year old. SUCH a cutie! I couldn't help but wish I had known him then so I could cuddle and love on him.



This was the picture that was listed on the Ukrainian web site


Real men wear pink


Total Stud muffin. This was taken last year, probably shortly after we met him


Our relieved and excited faces after the appointment. (Taken with the only lens I brought, my 35, thus explains the close-up) 


Everyone takes photo's outside of their DAP appointment. Here's our awesome ones



The streets around us


Souvenir shopping


Our facilitator took one of us together. Finally you can see more than just our cheeks and noses


Coming up...Seeing Kole!!!

Let the adoption journey begin!

We are here in Kiev once again! I cannot believe that in a years time we have traveled back to this place, our boys birth place.

We arrived at our apartment yesterday, settled in, got our internet up and running and enjoyed a dinner of bread, cheese, some kind of meat (maybe salami??), coffee, and chocolate. Oh how I missed the chocolate! My plan was to lose about 10 pounds on this trip, but I quickly realized after my first bite of dark chocolate that that number may be going the other way. 
We brought a carry on suitcase filled with diapers for the orphanage that will be returning full of chocolate;)

I was able to Skype with the kids. I talked with them and was able to watch them as they swam in my sisters pool. It's so cool that I can be so far away and be able to watch them. Technology rocks. 

I still can't believe that God has allowed us to take this journey again. I would never had guessed that we would be adding to our family so quickly. I am beyond grateful that God is allowing ME to be Kole's mommy.

We will have our first appointment tomorrow at 11am where we will see Kole's baby pictures and find out any info they have on him and get the green light to complete his adoption. Please pray that all will go well. So many families get this far only to find out their child is unavailable or to have papers missing which creates big set backs.

I didn't get a chance to share before we left since it was a crazy week with getting things ready to leave but Levi and Gabe started school. They are doing great. Levi of course loves riding the bus everyday. They are on this huge yellow bus almost alone, there may be a couple other kids on there. The bus driver is great and they have an assistant riding along just for them.
I really like their teacher. She has worked with special needs for 13 years. It was a very hard decision to put them in school but I know that they will blossom this year. I will be able to school my other 3 while Gabe and Levi are at school and will have lots of bonding time with Kole. Already I can see that school has been positive for Levi. After his first day when he came home I was out running errands. Guy said that he seemed very quiet and finally asked him if he wanted mommy. He started to sign mommy and was flapping his hands and yelling. When I came home he ran to me screaming and held me while he kept laughing and looking again and again at my face. Safe to say that the time away isn't going to hurt our bond at all. They will get daily therapy too which is something I couldn't do on a daily basis as their therapy is such a long drive for me to do more than twice a week.

Just look at this handsome Kindergartener 


Can you spot the happy home schooler and his school clothes?? ;) 














Along with all that craziness last week, Gabe had eye surgery. The doctor said that while he was under she was able to do a thorough eye exam and she found his eyes to be in great shape. She believes that after he heals his vision should be about perfect.

If you think about it, keep my 5 children at home in your prayers. It's hard leaving them for so long. One of my boys started having anxiety issues since our last trip. He hates to be anywhere away from me. He is trying to be strong this time but he told me several times before I left that he is sad and tears would fill his eyes.
I know this will all be worth it, and I know my kids get that. Just pray the loneliness will be short for them and that they can heal when we get back.



Thank you all so much for your support in this journey of ours. You have played a vital part whether it's your financial support, sharing our story, or prayers. It's because of you that Kole will be rescued soon!!!

My mommy has lost it

What is that?









My mommy is saying that they got their travel date to go and get my new brother?!?!





And now she is freaking out!











She thought the date would be 3 weeks from now, not NINE days! 





She is running around the house like a crazy person saying she has a thousand things to do.





I am just excited that I will get to meet my brother soon

And the Winners are....

One Month

Over 600 entries

THE BEST friends, family, advocates, orphan lovers EVER


THANK YOU so much to all our wonderful friends and family for your generous donations and handmade gifts. Without you this wouldn't have happened.


THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Our two families got together to draw all the names. We recorded this fun moment.
Below is the clip showing the first 5 winners, also featuring Kole and Sasha's former roommates;)

Beautiful, Beautiful. Gabe's 1 year home

6 years

Totally abandon

Left to die

6 years

In a crib

No toys

Staring at white walls

6 years

Unwanted

Undesirable

Unloved

Until....